


Now I'm All Messed Up

by MFern



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alex is a mess, F/F, First Person, JOURNAL ENTRY, alex danvers' POV, author has never written before please be KIND, much confusion?????
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-11
Updated: 2016-11-11
Packaged: 2018-08-30 09:13:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8527447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MFern/pseuds/MFern
Summary: Alex's journal entry after the events of 2x03, as she tries to figure out how exactly she feels about Maggie.





	

**Author's Note:**

> First attempt at writing 1st person so sorry if this goes a bit OOC, but I have this headcanon that Alex acquired the habit of writing when she needs to think so I had to give it a go. Also shoutout to Laura for helping me with grammar and stuff. You rock <3  
> Enjoy!  
> 

_Tuesday, Oct 25 th_

I met someone recently.

 Her name is Maggie Sawyer and she’s a detective for the National City Police Department. Now, I usually don’t come over and write about every single person I’ve ever met – that would be stupid, especially if I were to jot down those crazy alien names with a bunch of consonants and apostrophes (I still haven't recovered from Kara trying to teach me Kryptonian). I guess I’m just writing in a frustrated attempt to understand how exactly I feel about this person. We met earlier this week, when our investigations accidentally crossed paths. There was… something about her. She was outside of her jurisdiction, but still managed to make her way in my case.

She’s determined, to say the least. And surprisingly badass, for such a small person. She’s pretty, too. Not that I’ve been paying attention to how she looks. She just… she has these dimples, these big, almost cartoon-ish dimples that show through every time she smiles, even if it’s the faintest expression. And when she smiles, it just lights her whole face up, and it makes you wanna smile too. Don’t ask me why, it just does.

So we started investigating together, trying to figure out who was threatening the president and whatnot. Until the adult version of lavagirl ( _way_ less friendly, though) kidnaps her. And I just… I don’t know what happened to me. I just knew I had to go after her, to find her. So I went over to that alien bar, boiling with determination and resolution that I would do whatever it takes to get the information needed to find her. And that feeling took over me. I hit an alien with a chair, for god’s sake. Yeah, sure, he was annoying, but that’s just not my MO. I don’t know what happened, but he just wasn’t cooperating and I had to do something, to figure out who was keeping Maggie and how to get her back. So I did.

And since then, there’s this nagging feeling in my gut trying to tell me something about her, and I just can’t figure out what the hell it is. _“You guys are fun”_ , is what she told me and Kara. And it’s a normal thing to say after you kick major alien ass, I think. But it stuck with me. It felt good, you know? To impress her. She doesn’t really seem like the kind of person who gets impressed easily, and well, in her field of work I guess that’s pretty plausible right? I mean, when you’re used to going to an alien dive bar for information, and when you have such a complex background like hers, well… I don’t know. All I know is that I impressed her and I just… I feel like that’s something I could get used to. And now I’m rambling. That’s what has happened every time I tried to figure out, in my head at least, what is it that makes me pay so much attention to her. And every time I come out blank, wither that or my brain starts this crazy rail of thought that ends up leading to nothing. “Maybe writing will be better”, I thought. Doesn’t seem like it. But I’m gonna keep trying.

So I took her to the DEO for a check-up. She was so impressed, it’s actually funny. She looked like a little kid, checking out all that fancy alien hunting apparel. I have to admit, I couldn’t help but smile every time she wasn’t looking. She kept trying to play it cool, but she still looked like a child going to an amusement park for the first time, eyes flickering with excitement and mouth slightly open, surprise mixed with a grin that made her dimples show even more. It felt good. So when she was all patched up, I hoped she’d stay over. Given, the rest talk was mainly an excuse for her to stay over. Maybe I wanted to show her around more, maybe get a glance at the weaponry room. Again, why I felt like that was something I had to do was beyond me. I just felt a sudden urgency to please her, and maybe get to see those dimples along the way. Maybe we could be friends. Maybe that’s what my gut was trying to tell me, that I needed friends outside of work.

After she declined my invitation, I joked around insinuating a date. If we’re being honest, I didn’t expect to get the positive answer that I did. And it felt somewhat like a punch in the stomach. It was probably just worry. So I watched her leave, and for someone with a bruise collarbone and recent burns, she walked surprisingly unbothered. She strode off the room with a level of confidence unfitting to the bewildered child that had got in less than an hour ago.

So I came home, and here I am. It’s around 2am, and I should probably get some sleep. Work awaits me, annoyingly early in the morning. _Too_ early. But still, I feel restless. I wonder if she’s still out. If she’s with her girlfriend. Is that her girlfriend, though? Does she have a girlfriend? Does that girl even worry that she’s bruised, does she even know that she’s bruised or _why_ she's bruised? That she needs rest? I mean, it’s 2am. Is she home? Is she resting? Also, why am _I_ not resting?

I guess I’m tired and, on that note, I should probably get some rest. It’s better than worrying about someone I barely know. So I’m gonna sleep, and just hope that things will be clearer tomorrow.

**Author's Note:**

> Help a poor writer who's just gotten back into fanfiction, my crops are dying  
> Any critique, kudos and (specially) comments will be more than welcome and also of great help <3


End file.
